G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Volume 2) #4

"Reinstated! 4 (of 4)"

Story (and Layouts): Josh Blaylock

Pencils: Steve Kurth

Inks: John Larter

Colors: Hi-Fi Colour Design

 

PLOT SYNOPSIS:

Our last issue closed with Cobra having successfully activated their satellite, thereby launching legions of microscopic nano-mites across the United States. If I could summarize the opening page of this, the fourth and concluding issue in the thus-far stellar "Reinstated!" arc, I would defer to World Wrestling Entertainment announcer Jim Ross' manic catch-phrase: "Business has just picked up!"

Frantic, baffled newscasters report that in military bases all across America, vehicles and supplies alike are simply disintegrating, while hospitals are quickly filling with people who are all suffering from the same symptoms (you'll remember from issue three that the nano-mites attack white blood cells), and further, that power outages are being reported everywhere.

Meanwhile, the Jugglers meet in a dark, smoky room to lay the verbal smackdown on Hawk for G.I. Joe's failure to prevent the crisis, but the most notable plot development can be summed up with two words:

Cobra. Attacks.

Specifically, they intercept a military relief delivery, as Major Bludd unceremoniously executes the first soldier to protest, then instructs the Vipers to insert Cobra pamphlets in every package. Then, in a hilarious bit of strategy, the sickos start visiting rural America to deliver everything from bottled water and batteries to toys, so as to win the all-important public relations battle ("All they know is that, when the government failed to show, Cobra was there to help.") Brilliant.

Less brilliant: on the same page, we get a dues ex machina in the form of Destro Junior's sudden announcement to Mistress Armada that the mites can't "live" long outside the human body, and an unfortunate piece of dialogue that reads like an excerpt from the Tick or a similar parody: "I can't move! I can't move! My body… contorting."

And of course the only person capable of keeping the mites "alive" is the now utterly demented Cobra Commander, whom Destro Junior hopes to cure by means of that old Cobra standby, the Brainwave Scanner.

Back in Joeville, an increasingly desperate Lifeline formulates a clever plan to reverse the nano-mite programming so that they will attack one another and convert themselves to water and blood cells in order to bring the infected back to stable condition, while Scarlett and Snake Eyes share a hug in a sadly unconvincing forgiveness scene.

More effective by far is the following scene, wherein Destro, hoping to keep Zartan and Zanya well-behaved, demonstrates the effectiveness of a new, stronger breed of nano-mite; an unsuspecting Cobra trooper disintegrates within seconds.

Now, barely at the halfway point of this issue, Cobra is invading the White House! All American military defenses are of course rendered useless by the mites, and thus the battle is little more than a slaughter. Hope presents itself in the form of a public service phone call consisting of a man's voice spewing incomprehensible nonsense, buried in which can be heard the word "Gaijin" and a sequence of numbers (astute readers will recall that "Gaijin" is the name of Cobra's secret satellite.)

Exasperated, Mainframe demands clarification as to why such a seemingly random and irrelevant phone call has been brought to his attention, at which point his messenger notes, "We ran a voice scan over the maser database and… it's Cobra Commander."

More shocking still, the Speaker of the House holds a press conference on the White House lawn to humbly introduce Destro Junior, who reports that Cobra has been granted Marshall authority, and will nobly help America get back on its feet. At the same time, Destro proper is stirring in his bed for the first time ("I can move?"), and one can only assume that his mysterious illness has been a nano-mite infection all this time.

In yet another in what has been a whole series of triumphant supervillain scenes in these four issues, Destro Junior confronts a captured Duke, Flint, Rock n' Roll and Shipwreck, each of whom sits totally immobile because of the nano-mites. Not one to pass up a rare opportunity, he then proceeds to start beating on them. Just as he points his pistol at Duke's temple, alas, Let the Healing Begin, as the Joes managed to hack the satellite, and so an implausibly-quickly-healed Duke jumps into action and the Joes unceremoniously whup butt on the Cobras. In an inevitable yet nonetheless disappointing reveal, the Speaker was just a disguised Zartan all along. Equally predictably, all the big names of the Cobra organization escape, though Baroness apparently (and justifiably) locks up Destro Junior and his girlfriend, Lilian (Mistress Amrada.)

We close with the latter couple in a holding cell, begging an approaching figure for food and water.

"You'll be getting neither," replies Destro. (!) "Not until you do some serious explaining."

…would that this were truly the end. Instead, we are treated to an additional scene involving a barbeque celebration at Roadblock's house, where an unmasked and seemingly unscarred Snake Eyes drops to his knee and silently proposes to Scarlett.

Ugh.

 

REVIEWER'S VERDICT:

Pity.

I know good and well that it is difficult to maintain the narrative momentum in a comic book inextricably linked to an ongoing merchandise series. After all, how much is ever really at stake when, with rare exceptions, no one will ever die because his or her toy will still need to sell next month?

Even so, it is discouraging to watch as Blaylock spends three issues creating anticipation and the sense that big things are set to go down, only to conclude his opening story in such an uninspired and by-the-numbers fashion with no meaningful lasting repercussions.

The final page is a particularly unfortunate note on which to end, as Scarlett's forgiveness felt rushed at best, and so we feel little but a tired, resigned bemusement as Snake Eyes proposes. It is no help that Steve Kurth's Snake Eyes looks nearly identical to his Duke.

"Reinstated!" was a fun way to relaunch a beloved property, but its conclusion does not bode well for the continued creative viability of this series.